TOPICS in text

Commentary on Mr. Wander-Lust (A Poem): The Role of Honesty and Understanding in relationships

Illness of the mind or just evidence of misdirected potential? (to be posted shortly)

Illness and beliefs

Books & Lectures by Marianne Williamson: an educated opinion

On authors' credits

Organic portals & souled humans
Part 1: The article under discussion (by someone else)

Part 2: The powers that be, Knowledge is the only defense

Part 3:  A drone society?

The notion of being creative

The slavery of marriage?

The Stardoves and spiritual Marketing Campaigns

Twin Soul Flames
More on Twin Flames

Starseeds/spiritual beings:
What is a starseed?
On sharing our truth


Shirl's Blog World

drawing by Shirl from spider photo

The above is a graphic by Shirl, the center Kanji symbol in black means the 'art of writing' in Japanese

LINK to page bottom

WELCOME 2010 !!

Poems on THIS page:
(click on title to go to poems)

Birth of Wings

Silent Rage

Shadows of a Life

Traveling Down Maybe Road

Haiku 1 - 2 - 3








Click here to see a listing of all my stories and poetry on the site





Welcome to my blog page started in 2005.  Everywhere I look, it seems that the latest thing is having a blog.   Well, why not?,  I thought.  So here is my contribution to the effort.  BTW, the entries here may not be in order of posting so what I've done is put an index at the top.  The reason for that is . . . blogs tend to get less interesting as time goes on, that is . .  less profound things to say.   I don't know how the craze with blogs got started but it does seem to be here to stay, at least until something else more innovative takes its place.  Postscript:  I stopped posting for a long time because of other blogs I had to maintain at work (the newspaper).  I am reactivating this blog as of Christmas 2009.  Enjoy the insights you find here and also, please write me if you like to make a comment or have a question or topic you'd like to see  addressed.  I will be transferring this blog eventually to Wordpress (why I'm not reordering it) and a bit different format.


20091228 - Mr. Wander-Lust is a poem I originally wrote back in 2004 and revised later in 2007.  You can read Mr. Wander-Lust (along with these comments) on the page I created for it recently. 

Many love this poem because it depicts a situation that exists in so many romantic relationships . . . or should I say almost relationships.  A healthy relationship does not exist if one or both of the parties is constantly in flight, either emotionally or physically.   And, I believe that most relationships do have some element of this phenomenon going on, even some friendships.  Still, I don't wish to break any illusions here. 

In this case in point, there was a medical condition that presented itself quite early on.  When I first met Mr. Wander-Lust,  I realized he suffered from multiple-personality as a complication of bipolar syndrome so, perhaps, he had a good excuse for being the way he was.  I adjusted my perceptions with him accordingly. This POEM helped me do exactly that!  It also gave me great insight.   For that reason, it was a wonderful blessing. 

For the record . . . on his good days, in his  'I want to live as part of the world' self, he was the kindest, gentlest man I could ever imagine knowing.  On those days, it was indeed a joy to know him.  If I had walked away frightened by 'the' condition, I would have missed all of it. 

And, I COULD do this because I completely UNDERSTOOD right from the beginning who he was  and the way he was. In fact, I still love and remember him quite fondly. .

Now, that issue addressed . . .
what excuse do the rest of us have?

Be completely honest with those for whom you care deeply no matter what you fear as consequence.  Concealing or running away from the truth only turns that 'truth' into something that it's not . . . a very ugly lie.  More importantly, be honest with yourself . . . about how you really feel. 

Look deep on soul searching with this.  Of what are you really afraid?  The truth may surprise you!  As ACIM tells us, we are never angry or fearful for the reason we think!  If you are unclear what to do, pray for renewed sight and understanding . . . ask that the true source of your fears be revealed.  Then face those fears.  If you do not, the happiness and freedom waiting for you just beyond the fear shall forever remain a mystery..

It is that understanding that will carry you through and past the fear.  If, that is, you truly want to overcome the things keeping you from experiencing the awe and beauty of true love!  Love that hurts is NOT real because it is an illusion created by the ego.  Do not let the fear control you.  Real love? . . .  loving others deeply and passionately is merely an extension of being in love with all of creation itself.


For, with great understanding comes great compassion and great love.    In none of these wonderful states of being will you ever find a reason to fear or be less than the beautiful incredible person you were meant to be.

Many blessings to all!  Happy New Year 2010!!

~ Shirl A. Steward


20092912 - Illness of the mind:  Split personality, catatonia, schizophrena or simply states of being resulting from creative potential misdirected?: Mr. WL was not my first encounter with split personality and evidence of confused identity.  No doubt, I meet these interesting character studies because of my interest in issues of identity.

The subject of identity in all its marvelous complications has always fascinated me.  In graduate school it was my focus, along with using feature films as a major medium of social change.  My taste in both friends and partners has always leaned a bit towards the performing arts on both stage and screen.  In a way issues of identity seem to  come with the territory.  People chose to play roles on screen for the same reasons anyone would don a 'new face' and put on pretenses . . .  to impress others by  pretending to be something they wish they were but are not or . . . to escape the circumstances life's cards have dealt them.   I wrote Master of Disguise to a long time actor friend.  T.G. loves this poem and often uses it in performances.  Another friend wrote the music that made it into a song.  Perhaps the poem captures that need in us all to play the many roles we've always dreamed of living.  It also asks, though, how does one find the real person hiding amongst the many roles we play? 

About now you're probably thinking . . . . hey, what does that have to do with misdirected potential?  I was just getting to that.  A third acquaintance worked film production. Some people would do just about anything to have a job like his except it was obviously something he never really wanted to do. His true love lay in the healing arts.  Despite the ability to pursue his passions on vacations and extended leaves,  he was so torn that eventually he developed five distinct personalities.   It may sound rather bizarre to some but, for him, a very creative artist by nature, it was the only way he could deal with not following his dreams.    I see this as potential misdirected.

My brothers are another case in point.  I had two older brothers, identical twins, who suffered minor brain damage during birth. They were labeled as 'retarded' and, later, learning disabled.  Being born in the 40's, wasn't the greatest time to come into the world with any kind of disability.  It was a time in which people with disabilities were even further handicapped by the system.  Neither could handle the circumstances of their lives and one developed what the medical profession, in much blind-sight, calls paranoid schizophrenia.  Ralph's rejection of the physical world was so inclusive he turned completely inward and before his thirtieth birthday was in a 100% catatonic stupor and hospitalized.  He did finally come out of the catatonia for a time and passed in 2007 at age 62 due to natural causes. 

Okay, back to misdirected potential.   Often with the learning disabled, it's hard to appraise the degree of talent a person might have, especially in a society that looked down upon those that don't quite fix in the 'normal' groove of 'acceptable' stereotypes.  My brothers definitely didn't fit in and, despite their handicap, they HAD TALENT!  . . . not just ordinary talent but great artistic ability!  Ralph, especially, was a great artist.  I spent many hours watching him draw.  Had someone looked passed his handicap to encourage and nurture his talent, I have no doubt his work would be hanging in art museums and commanding high prices.  Maybe he would even still be alive today.  Instead he and his brother were ridiculed, abused and made to put in long hours decorating the walls of the special school for the handicap they attended.   Finally, my mother was the one to put a stop to it all . . . they dropped out before graduating.   Her only mistake was telling them to stop wasting time with the art because it would never provide them a living.   Oh, how shortsighted she was!   The rejection sent them inward and suddenly the label schizophrenia was firmly stuck where it didn't belong.   Anger and resentment turned into paranoia.    Paranoia, for one of them, turned into catatonia.   Wasted potential?  How much more would you ever want to see?  Great artists turned into outcasts and zombies why? . . . because society just didn't know how to recognize and celebrate great talent . . .   Unfortunately, mine is a not an uncommon tale.  You've heard of starving artists?   So many disregarded . . . and ignored.   They settle for jobs and lives devoid of what they love most . . . their art. That seeming loss of soul purpose kills the spirit.  Ridicule from family and peers, depression, alcohol, paranoia finishes the job. 

It doesn't have to be this way though . ..  (to be continued) 


20051227 - Obviously, I was wrong about one very important yet minor detail . . . It's a part that actually didn't even make it into the text below.  I was so disappointed in my 'twin' not being able to live his dreams by fulfilling his destiny (long story) that in 1999 or shortly thereafter, I swore I'd never love again.   As my poem Lost Dreams points out things change, we change and so . . . like a pearl caught in a de-evolving process, what we once saw as a gemstone is transformed back into the ordinary stone.  Although that romantic 'lighting' was very short-lived, it did happen in 2004.  Thought it, I learned I could love another again.  I didn't think it was possible.  I had been prepared to live alone the rest of my life. 

I thought of deleting the below entry but everything I said is still true with the exception of the statement that none could take HIS place.   I have found that true love can exist with many in our lives even as 'just' friends.   When love is true and unconditional, caring for another will never change the way you feel.  Rather it matures into a favorite forever memory of lessons well learned.

Personal Note on Soul 'twins' (20051109, modified slightly 2009):  Included in this blog will be communications written TO a certain individual who has shut off other means of communications.  I wish him the very best of everything and do want him to know that the saying about it 'never being too late' is true . . . no matter what once happened, or is to happen or who comes to be in my life, he will always be in my heart and a constant inspiration that fires my writings.   I have realized there is none capable of taking his place, as far the twin energies are concerned.   The twin plays a very special role in our lives . . . he/she is there to be the reflection of every thing we are afraid to see about ourselves.  They are as much the brother/sister energy than anything to be romantically destined.  They are there for us to see a reflection of all the stubbing blocks that stand in the way of achieving our true soul purpose.   Since, as an empath, I can 'feel' his emotional state, I know he is now drowning in as much confusion about life purpose, my role in that purpose, etc as I and pray he finds these writings helpful someday.  Others who can relate are certainly also welcome. ~ Blessings to all, Shirl A. Steward

20051031.  Well, I'm one with a lot of lofty dreams but, unfortunately, not a lot of money.  Right now, I'm working for the Santa Fe New Mexican.  I do like working there because it means I'm around the writing world 24-7.   It doesn't pay that well so I'm doing my darnest NOT to have to do any other type of 'regular' job.  But, alas, those lofty dreams force me to keep on the lookout for work that is somehow bearable and still gives me the freedom to keep my pen to the paper.  IF you hear of anything, PLEASE let me know.  My partial list of my experience is here.   I feel like I'm prostituting myself if I'm not writing in some way.   Strange, huh?  I do web pages, technical writing, theme poems/songs, ghostwriting, you name it . . . that is, I'm your jack-of-all-words write-just-about-anything kind of gal.  

20051102.  Well, I thought I'd get back to this but then I didn't.   I spoke to a friend today.  I did some work on editing her website and I have to admit it's starting to look pretty good.   I'd glad I was able to help.   Yes, I do DO websites!    She's a reader and has been trying to help figure out the whys and wherefores of unrequited love I have towards a certain someone in England still after six years of being apart.  I can't seem to get the foolish man off my mind especially of late. She thinks he's afraid to approach me because he fears the huge backlash he might get from residual anger I 'must' be holding due to all that happened back then.  Why are men so stupid?  Of course, if I knew the answer to that question, I'd probably be very wealthy!  LOL   Anyway, Englishmen must be the worse in the stubborn and cut-off-their-nose-to-spite-their-face pride department.  Well, my mother was English and I know how stubborn and prideful I can be.   AND, IF the silly man knew me, as he THINKS he does, he would know I let things go and do not hang on to grudges.  He should know that the anger I hold is NOT from all that happened in the past.  It is about what is happening NOW in the present.  Okay so maybe he was wrong and maybe I was wrong too, in not forcing the point.    BUT, what is done is done.  It is not the errors of the past that cause me grief.   It is the 'continued' silence because one is afraid or unwilling to face their own mistakes and ask for forgiveness.   I hate the silence that never ends . . . the silence that keeps us now apart.  Thus, my haiku for today:    (I try to write one everyday especially if I don't get to write anything else.)  This is in 5-7-5 format.


Yes, there is anger
towards the deafening SILENCE
keeping us apart.   11/2/2005


20051102 (LATER)  I had a vision a week or so ago . . . sort of like a dream but it had a 'wow' kind of light going on . . . that is, some realization surfacing in consciousness unknown to me before.  I felt a need to get up and write down what came to me but didn't finish it.  Just finished it tonight and the results of that effort follow below.   BTW, the 'you' in the dream/vision is, of course, adorable Mr. Stubborn from above.   (Yes, I am actually quite crazy about the guy no matter how silly or stubborn he chooses to be.    ~ Love and many blessings to all and Mr. Stubborn, too ~ Shirl

Birth of Wings

A vision . . . I think it was . . .
You and I, were the Native Americans,
weíd once been in some other time.
We were playing in the woods
under the mist of our favorite waterfall,
when a jewel-like surface glistening
in the starlight, drew us, 
to stand, gazing wondrously,
in front of a most magnificent structure,
a beautiful double arch, obviously,
the entrance to the mysterious unknown,
to inner worlds and infinite realities.
Suddenly, a presence enveloped us.
In a flash of golden radiance, somehow,
it swished away all of what we
believed we were as individuals.
In its place, we were born anew
in a fusion of all the personalities
of you and I that ever existed.
The identity of singular was fading.
The changing faces continuing
to accelerate as we beheld the magic
of the merging of us going on.
And, then IT happened, the most glorious
moment of it all . . . we became one.
I looked into the crystalline pool before us,
So strange this sight reflecting back . . .
A single winged being, not you, not I
but a composite of all we'd ever been,
and all of that we thought we'd never be,
the hopes and dreams of a thousand lives
rolled forever into one amazing creature.
After the magic of the moment wore off,
momentary panic bought only one thought,
ďCan we return again to being separate?Ē
We focused hard on an image of us two
standing side by side apart and  . . . again
we split back into our former selves.
In shock, we stood looking at each other,
laughing at the silly sight before us.
Oddly, we were the same except
that each of us had only one arm
and one huge lone white WING!
Indeed we were apart again
but, certainly, no longer whole!
An interesting dilemma it was.
Should we stay apart, a freak of creation,
one-winged and unable to even fly?
Or reunite and fly the universe,
as a newly created being,
empowered by the combination
of our separate strengths?
The vision ended just after
we rejoined into forever oneness.
I arose feeling lighter and freer
than ever Iíd felt before.
One amazing vision it truly was . . .

By Shirl A. Steward, 11/02/2005
"To my 'brother' John, the magic other 'half' in my vision"

20051103. I verbalized a thought today and, it seems, I shocked a friend. I said, "If life circumstances inhibit and prevent me from doing what I truly believe I came here to do, then I'd rather not be alive at all."    She said it made her sad thinking that I would want to die. But, think about it.  Isn't that EXACTLY the very thought that is behind what drives us, light workers, to seek and work towards fulfilling our destiny by accomplishing OUR mission?  If the only reason you believe you are alive is to fulfill a certain destiny, then you WILL do everything in your power to make sure that it is done.   Without that drive keeping me going, I think I would have died long ago from heart break because of the feeling of being lost and abandoned.   Yes, abandoned AND lost.  Starseeds (I am one) feel like they have been left here on this planet and that their true parents are not of this world.   As an infant, I could not shake that feeling and, today, I still feel it . . . 56 years later.

Shirl's pearls of wisdom for the day:
Thoughts on medicines & herbals in treatment of illness - Yes, it is true.   Some herbal treatments can actually create miracles but ONLY in the body chemistry . . . it can not, in itself, change a person's thoughts.  A person needs to work on the mind as well as the body.    A person is usually sick (or susceptible to being sick) because of the beliefs and fears (anger is always a form of fear) they hold . . . these thoughts affect us on a molecular level.   If the sickness is treated by a substance, symptoms can sometimes be relieved or eliminated.  However, if the THOUGHT or BELIEF, that created that illness, is not eliminated also, the illness will either reappear or remanifest as another illness, perhaps even worse than the one before.  

A few Haiku Shirl's thoughts for today AND tomorrow:

A lone light shimmers.
Path to brighter tomorrows,
there but rarely seen.

Something very missing . . .
phantom shadowed dreamscapes haunt
dark of lonely night.

Anger†weaves†its web,
tangles, clouds, blocks logical
thought from surfacing.   11/4/05

Useless emotions . . .
fear,†anger, greed, hate deprive
soul its life, breath, song. 11/4/05

wars of will and won't . . . drown love
in sea of babble.  11/4/05

20051107.  Well, I'm back.  I made the mistake of sending my poem "Birth of Wings" to the one who send the vision to me.  Some woman with dark hair in his office got it instead (I saw her as did a couple of psychic friends).  Anyway, my only purpose was to let him know I 'got the message' .  .  . I am sad he did not get it but . . .oh well.  Later, when I pondered the vision again . . . its purpose and why he might have sent it, I realized it WAS about this connection that seems so unseverable.  He was telling me that he also knew the bond could not be broken.   Once soul twins have found each other, there is no severing of the bond.   Like the two in the dream who separated and found they each had only one wing, so too, with twins there is always the feeling of something missing without the other.   Twins are different than just soul mates because, unlike twins, soulmates are NOT so deeply connected since they are not "parts" of each other as twins are.  It is a very strange phenomenon and one I have battled with since the day of my birth.

Yes, since we were toddlers, we could communicate telepathically with each other and, although he has tried to block it somewhat and I have blocked it myself at times, we still do.   He could travel better than I though and often, he would just be there interacting in my dreams . . . more real than the people around me in my waking hours.   I remember waking on numerous occasions in terror . . . scared to death that my husband would discover my lover.   Of course, the 'lover' was only on the astral plane and only real substance to my dream body but real all the same.

I finally finished the poem about anger regarding him (below) . . . I'm told it's a good method for dealing with suppressed rage from current and past karma.

Silent Rage

You want to know the whys?
Yes, there may be anger
But not because of anything
You ever felt, said or did.
Itís true history that was rewritten
And things did not play out
the way of destiny's decree. 
The fact is we are NOT even
near where we should have been.  
But then, what is done is done.
I wish not to lament what is past

or the technicalities and all the varied
might-have-beens of "our" truest destiny.
That would profit us not for
no amount of wishing will turn
back the clock for it to be replayed.
But when it comes to the horrid,
Senseless, deafening silence
now keeping us apart
my reaction is quite different.
Nothing seems to quiet the rage
burning inside me now . . . or
dams the tears of the soul ever flowing.
But what is this I hear about fear?
for God's sake of what are you afraid?
All you need do is make the request
and forgiveness would be yours,
instantly, no questions asked.
Though, communicate you must.
Don't you see that a whisper
in the wind amidst passions
of some dream is not enough?
Nor, is any wall of anger
so high, it quenches a soul twin
love so great and eternal as ours . . .
its fire has burned in my heart
since the beginning of time
as always it will and only,
does it burn for you, even
in the unlikely consequence
that some other would come
to share my life and bed.
Though, obviously, such an event
is of lowest, nearly nil probability.
So, my silly dear beloved . .
do whatever it is you feel you must
I will be waiting . . . here
on the other side of this strange
maddening silent that never ends.
Turn aside the fears of what might
go wrong and convert those wondrous,
magical dreams of this last half century
into physical realities
touchable by both of us in the now . . .
Absence is the villain which angers
Know that love is in this heart always . . .
Yes, I can find others which whom to play.
and pass the time away . . .
but playing and passing the time
this way hold no interest for me.
Also, such activity does not satisfy
the longings of being with
one's mirror image, one's truest twin.
And, then there is the matter
of the spiritual work to which we
BOTH pledged our commitment . . .
it still urgently calls to be done
 and one continuing on alone,
without the other, is better than none.

-- By Shirl A. Steward 11/06/05

20051108.  As you can see this blog is much focused on frustrations over communications (or lack thereof) with a certain friend in England.  Well, he's much more than a friend obviously, but, contrary to what he might believe, I'd be quite happy just to have an open line of communication.  It's like having a brother who you've lost contact with and it saddens you that there is no way to even say hello.  The truth is I actually have two brothers who I lost contact with many years ago and have no idea where they are.   I feel more of a blood sister to John than either of them but I miss contact with them all.  Anyway, I was looking through some old emails and found reference to a dream I had a few months back.  It was May 12th and I was writing a psychic friend about it.  Her comment or rather her interpretation of the dream was "Yes well I been telling you a long while now that John would make his way back to you so not surprised that you may be feeling him in a dream this way !!" Here's what I had written her about the dream, "I had a strange dream last night . . . about  the most impossible of impossibles . . . my twin John coming to America to STAY . . . WITH me. I had just come from some fancy event where I wore an expensive evening dress.  It was then John showed up.   I was in a fancy hotel room and supposed to go with John to start our life but I realized I had to move out by noon . . . then when it seemed bleakest (about getting so much moved in time), I realized I had paid the room to stay indefinitely and then, with a smile, happily left with John.    I had the sense I dreamed of this hotel (and storage) room before also.  So, it seemed very positive.  I would love to think it means he's thinking of coming here.  He felt very close."    Well, still waiting but still 'feel' him very close in dreamland.  LOL    Oh, my most recent haiku poetry is on the haiku page (link below).

20051109.  Well I spoke to my son Shane just now.  He'll be on his way to take a train to the airport in about 20 minutes (it's now 6:34PM for the record).  He's been in Japan since last November in a NOVA program teaching English to the Japanese.  It's been quite an experience for him and he will miss all his friends over there but he's glad to be coming back.   Even though,  he'll be in Pennsylvania and not in New Mexico where I am, I'll be glad to feel him 'closer' to home. 

It is also exactly one year today that my best friend, Toni Donelow Stewart passed over to spirit and died.  I loved her as the sister I never had.   She left a wonderful legacy of art and two young sons, Jeremy and Bryan.  I pray for her sons' continued safekeeping in her absence.

20051111.  I talked to my son earlier for a few moments.  He's officially back in the states!     Jeez, Japan to America . . . Boy, that's got to be a huge cultural shock for him.  

20051204.  A poem written about this uncertainty of maybe  . . . It's a work-in-progress so it will be revised.


 Traveling down maybe road

Itís a very long way to never
But its pathís destination
Is always crystal clear . . .
For there is no doubt
That nowhere leads to nowhere
And within its realm opportunity is nil
If someone dies there is no way
To make a reprieve, no talking it over,
No way to regain whatís lost,
All is simply just at an end.
Itís true that on the path to never
rebuilding and recovery take time
But, at least, whatever doors
had been open are forever closed
an uncrossable impermeable gate
to the realm of the untouchable.
Creates a Ďresolutioní although unwanted
Still means possibilities in new starts
And, if one chooses, a new life path.
The road to maybe, though, is far
More treacherous, a terrible fate
That seemingly will never end
In store for anyone presented
With its precarious alternatives.
Maybe yes, maybe no
How long should one wait
When the destined fate is
Maybe it will happen and
Just maybe it wonít?
And, even with a 99.9%
Of probably in oneís favor,
That dreaded .1% always looms
And threatens to destroy
All hope . . . and what of those
 Precious moments between
Now and maybe-possibilitiesí
Promised treasures,
That time spent in suspended
Animation that one can never
Find or touch again?
That terrible forever lonely
Lost in never knowing,
Lost without resolutions
Wondering all the whys
That make none of all
The things that happened
make any logical sense.
Yes, give me never
Before this horrible thing
So completely UN-understandable
The prison known as maybe-land.
Tell me he is dead and gone
Not, maybe he will awake
And remember all the magic
And wonder of the way
It should-have-been,
And that itís a treasure
He wants and needs to regain.
Is maybe a lie or the shadows
Of dream that in itself
Never dies?
-- By Shirl A. Steward 12/04/05

20051213.  Yes, it's been a while since I wrote anything on here.  I'm also waiting for a great job opportunity to come my way.  I am more settled into working with the web at the newspaper and almost enjoying it but I really need a full time gig for the money.   I went to the Santa Fe Film Festival and that was wonderful.  I made a lot of new friends and it felt good to see some old familiar faces.  People actually had remembered me from last year.  

Christmas is coming and I have to say it has never been one of my favorite times.  When I was in grade school, I absolutely hated it especially the last day of school before vacation.  It seemed that everyone else had a loving place to go and I didn't.  There were no gifts under a Douglas Fir tree and no decorations around my home. As I got older and had my own money, I started buying gifts for everyone.   Of course, when I grew up and had children, I went the other way.  I even made my own Sesame Street/Disney character ornaments for the tree.  Still, the old depression would set in and I really had to fight it.

Modern day condoned slavery . . .Anyway, it was my father who said he didn't believe in nonsense such as Christmas.  Well, he WAS an atheist so I guess it was to be expected.  My mom snuck in some gifts for us kids but you could hear my father groan and curse under his breath.   Well, he cursed and groaned about a lot of things.  That was nothing new.  He hated that we went to church and that SHE gave away any of HIS money.  So, as I result, I grew up really hating all this "his and her" type of crap that seems to come with most marriages.  It certainly came with both my marriages.  In both I worked full time and was the main wage earner until each of them finished college . . . but this 'his and her' thing did not become truly evident until I gave birth and was forced by necessity to stay home to care for my two boys.   Somehow in the process of us switching roles, I went from THE wage earner to the 'burdensome' dependent.  I found it strange how the money I had earned as the main provider had been 'ours' whereas the money HE earned as main provider was still just HIS.  It didn't matter that most of our savings was from my earnings.  I felt obliged to return to work so I could at least have my own money.   It reminded me of being the slave whose fate was not their own . . . no rights, no possessions and no say in anything.  

And, my dad and my husbands weren't the only ones with such a mentality.  Marriage, for some, is about love but, in our society, it is more about ownership.  At least in my experience it was.  The marriage license is a deed of ownership, not an agreement between two people to love each other and share their lives.   Yes, in some ways ownership is good  . . .  we should own our lives but that's where the ownership should stop . . . we can not own the life and actions of another.  People get married and suddenly all the rules change . . . duties replace heart felt sharing and an act of obligation replaces beautiful lovemaking . . . You interact with someone much differently when they think of you as their property. 

Ownership also lives in the state of parenthood.  Think about it.  We have custody hearings to determine who gets 'possession' of our children.   Possession!   If a child is allowed to choose, it is only at the mercy of the court.   We treat our children as if they are inferior beings, less intelligent than ourselves.  But, how about those cases where it is the child who has the superior mental facilities?   I was one of those children forever questioning . . . never understanding the actions and stupidity of my parents.  So, because of my own experience,  . . . I came to respect my own children as EQUALS . . . I love the term 'mini-me' coined by the Austin Powers movies . . . for that's how I like to see the role of a child . . . a mini-me . . . smaller, less experienced but certainly not less intelligent or inferior . . . someone who needs our dedicated guidance and love.  Thinking this way keeps from falling into the trap of what I'd call an 'unjustified superiority complex'.    Whether we wish to admit it or not, our children are in every sense our equals . . . as are all other human beings on this planet.   The only difference between us is that we each have our own collective of life experience that is required for our particular set of life lessons.  BUT, each of us have exactly what we need, in terms of those life experiences, so that we can meet, confront the challenge of those lessons and learn what we need to learn.

Back to the issue of ownership versus loving parenting . . . Why doesn't anyone question the way we mindlessly condone the ill treatment of our children?  Most parents raise their hands and strike children when they do not OBEY.   Slaves are supposed to obey, children should be guided!  It is also a known fact that punishment only works as a deterrent because of the resentment and anger it builds.  This IS one of the reasons why our society is so dysfunctional.  Children grow up holding in that resentment and anger.   Sometimes it takes years of counseling to outlive the scars of our youth.   Some of us never do.  And, it is society that condones this dysfunction with its distorted value system.   I remember being criticized because I did not believe in using corporeal punishment. Society's distorted value system was being projected upon me.  It's intent was to make me feel bad and less of a parent and I actually did feel bad and less of a parent until I realized that I was in the right and my condemners were in the wrong.     

See your children as equals . . . use love and understanding to guide them . . . then, let THEM decide the course of their own future and what it should hold for them. ~ Shirl


20051215.  Have you ever been out of touch and not even known why?  

Not long ago I met with an old friend then . . . fell off the face of the earth as the saying goes because . . . well, as I said, I'm not sure why.   And, with me being a communicator by nature, it doesn't make much sense, does it? Maybe, it was just that I had so much to say that I didn't say anything. A lot of anxiety set in after we met and it brought a lot of tears about things I have no control over. I had put the pain out of my mind but then . . . it returns. She had said that something was stopping me from moving forward with my goals and yes, she had suspected, my twin in England has much to do with that.

A big part of me died when I left England in 1999 and for a long time there I totally lost faith in humanity (because John represented the best of humanity to me) . . . believing that, as a group, they lacked the worthiness of being helped and were beyond hope. That faith in humanity has somewhat returned and, I've made some headway and moving to Santa Fe has helped greatly, still, I have yet to recover fully from the deadened heart. It is much like trying to walk again after your body has become completely paralyzed.

People read John's energy around me and say that he will eventually join me in America . . . and, of course, he is my twin . . . I feel him around me in spirit and he is vividly present in my dreams . . . occasionally, in waking visions as well. I also feel his confusion and heartbreak over our disconnection . . . but, no matter how great his agony or mine, he makes no effort to bring us back together for he wrongly believes we are better apart.  I think he might even actually believe that some BETTER version of me is floating around somewhere just waiting patiently to someday show up in his life.  Seems very unlikely at this point.   Well, yes there are many aspects of a soul however only one true twin.    Besides, I personally think I'm the best version there is of THE twin but, then, I guess I'm a bit prejudice.   Sometimes I think he wants a submissive 'yes-sir' female, except I doubt very much he'd be very happy with such a person for very long.  

I do not know how he can believe or feel like this but alas . . . it means that this crazy scenario just goes on and on and on . . . a forever presence that can't seem to materialize . . . so it may be only all of this cycling (between him and me) in the ethers these friends are feeling. They've said, too, he is waiting for me to do something before he makes contact . . . I used to think it was a poetry book, White Feathers (of OUR poetry) but now, I'm sure it is another project . . . the book on our native life with me as Buffalo Woman and he as my husband White Feather. I don't know. Certainly he could write this book just as well as I. And, why is it my responsibility to make things right . . . if, that is, what he is thinking? Indeed, why must I prove that I am this person in his dreams.   The fact that I can see and feel him IN these dreams as he dreams them should be enough proof.   Alas, I cry buckets whenever I work on that book.

As a result of all this, I want no part of any man's company in the romantic sense. At this point I don't think I'll ever feel any different. My only other romance since John was a man even more lost in his spiritual direction than either John or me! That didn't help matters any.

I am so tired of this and of life in general. I am not by nature suicidal and thus could not take a life especially my own but still, I've been fighting the urge to end this life since the day it began. Nope, never really liked this terribly dense planet. LOL Still, the truth of the matter is that I DID come here with certain work to do, be it with or without John's help . . . I have maybe 30 more years of this life left to deal with so I'm trying to make the best of it.  

20051223.  COMMENTARY ON A CERTAIN SPIRITUAL MARKETING EMAIL CAMPAIGN - Below are two emails I recently sent to the Stardoves.  Since these were returned to me as 'spam', I am posting the messages here for others to view.  When you're uncertain what to think of a group, sometimes it is good to see what others have experienced.  I find this situation rather humorous because it is their emails that should be returned as spam.  I HAVE noticed that after I sent both emails, I was mysteriously taken off their mailing list altogether.  I guess they got the message after all!   Ha!  The second email has to do with their so-called appointment as ambassadors of peace.  It's great to believe that you are 'all that' (a wonderful African-American saying) but to blatantly misrepresent yourself? . . . well, that is something quite different.

Anyway, for some intro on this . . .I first approached them on an inquiry.  It seems they had known a deceased individual I was researching.  I had never asked to be placed on their mailing list or even knew they had one but a few days after I spoke to them, there I was receiving 3-4 emails on a daily basis.  For a while, I found it interesting and was even a little impressed.   Spiritual people generally do not know how to market themselves.   (I am no exception to that rule.)  They obviously did.  Also, some of their emails had some good informative information.  Then again, as time progressed it became extremely weighed down on the self-promotion side and into promoting others for a fee.   And, for a while it was just a feeling I had . . . it all seemed to be going in the 'wrong' direction spiritually and seemed to lack what I'll call a basic spiritual integrity.   

I also found out just yesterday that a friend who had repeatedly asked to be unsubscribed continued to get all their advertising nonetheless.  Her observations about the Stardoves were, not surprisingly, very similar to my own.  Overall, neither of us have much to say on the positive side except that they are extremely good at drawing desperate people to buy into their far-from-truly-spiritual marketing scheme.


(1) When this nonsense first began, I got very upset because I did NOT ask to be added to a marketing mailing list and almost unsubscribed.  I decided not to in favor of seeing how far you went with it.   Now, it has grown to a point where I must speak.

I have a suggestion for you IF you dare consider it.  I say dare because it WOULD lower your precious demographics upon which your outrageous fees are based  . . .
On every newsletter/advertising letter give people the following options for subscription:

(1) the newsletter (without any advertisements)
(2) the newsletter plus the advertising letter
(3) the advertising letter by itself

I am sure you will find that, if you do so, that the number of subscribers to both your options 2 and 3 would decline greatly.   I personally would NEVER use the services of someone who I found through advertising especially those who have paid for that advertising.  How is their paying a large fee a recommendation of using their services?   IT IS NOT!!!!   In fact, it says quite the opposite . . . if one must pay to advertise for a spiritual service, then they are NOT good at what they do.   Word-of-mouth by satisfied customers is and will always be the best advertising vehicle out there.  Their NEED to advertise FOR PAY means they have no truly satisfied customers.  As far as conferences and such things, it is again satisfied customers who tell their friends, who tell their friends etc that truly fill up the house.
As far as I'm concerned . . . If the universe did not bring them to me through other 'natural' means, then they do not belong in my life.  Sorry, that's the way I feel.   I also feel that, although this whole advertising scheme has brought much wealth to you, it has also put you in alignment with things most nonspiritual.  You have already lost the hearts of many students you were MEANT to help because you have openly chosen to align with wealth and material things rather than truly giving to others.  Sincerely, 
Shirl A. Steward

(2) I live in New Mexico and Dan Pearlman is a really super guy.  I was surprised to see that, even though he is a lawyer and politician, he is also a great visionary when it comes to political reform in relationship to more rights for  WE THE PEOPLE.    When I met him last year, I instantly liked him and we spent several hours talking.  
Still, he has never had an official appointment except as a lobbyist.  He was a Greens Party candidate and a great lawyer but that does not make him appointed either.  And, Johnson is no longer governor.  Since 2002, Richardson has been.   So, neither Johnson or Pearlman have any power to make appointments except in the context of their own organizations.  Johnson is aligned with keeping New Mexico beautiful and Pearlman with keeping political elections for the people.  Do you align with either of these causes?
So, your 'appointment' as Peace Ambassadors was graditutious at best and your continuing to use this designation would be wrong.  It does not bode well in your favor to those who have lived in New Mexico.   Also, you have not lived in New Mexico for two years. Sincerely, S. A. Steward

My belief on receiving money in exchange for spiritual services:   TO BE CONTINUED

20060105.  Sorry I've been busy with enjoying my annual holiday depression.  HA!  Actually, that is supposed to be a joke although traditionally Christmas has never been a joyous time for me.  It all started when I was a very small child.  As I mentioned in an earlier entry, my dad was an atheist so we didn't have presents or a Christmas tree.  I hated leaving school that last day before the Christmas holidays.   I've in recovery ever since.   These days I just try to see it as just another day and I manage to get through it okay. 

Anyway, here's a new poem . . . Shadows of a Life.  Yes, it's another on . . . unrequited soulmate - soultwin love.  Well, holiday depression does bring up such topics. Maybe some of you can relate.   Ha!  LOL   


Shadows of a Life


How do I fight this overwhelming urge

To pack up everything I own and

take the first plane across the Atlantic

to move and live . . . yes, you guessed it . . .

in the South of England, near to him,

the one who is my twin of heart and soul?

And, I know some days he feels the same.

But, stubbornness prevails on both shores

And, for whatever reasons, be it for fear,

convenience or for sheer stupidity,

we remain apart in this strange,

irrational reality we call the physical.


The problem is that, although apart,

We were never truly disconnected.

He thinks I do not know or see.

But, he is the one to be surprised

for I do know far more than even he.

I cannot help but feel his fear,

his confusion, and his heartbreak.

Neither he nor I have recovered

From this separateness imposed.

And why?   I will never fully understand. 

Indeed, why did he hold me in such

high regard and proclaim so deep a love

And so soon after reject me along

with everything he ever truly loved

that was spiritually destined and defined?

His desire?  That much I do know.

He wanted to be free of pain,

the obligation to a sense of mission,

the call which was ours to serve humanity

that had haunted both of us since the day

of each our births to consciousness.


How do I express the feelings of this heart,

That is deadened and beaten by these shocks?

Part of me cried to be alive again but

Another part cries to be free of life itself.

So on goes the struggle inside me for,

although death would be so easy,

I cannot rob the world of what was gifted me. 

I mean, of course, this life of mine,

Itís talents and potential to contribute

towards the wellness of humanity.

Thirty years I have to go, or so Iím told,

yet I am tired of life and these burdens.

How do I cope and resolve these

inward struggles so that I can make

the most of this time gifted me to serve?

Dearest God, please help me for,

honesty, I truly, simply do not know.

-- By Shirl A. Steward 01/05/06

200601010.  My friend, Lynn wrote, "I can honestly say, from experience, that loosing your soul mate or twin flame is the most excruciating kind of loss. I don't know if there are words for it. And there are different levels of grief. You don't just "get over it". It takes some time to process the loss and readjust---a part of your identity & the way you see life changes."  

MORE COMMENTS ON SOULMATE/TWIN FLAMES:  You are very right about the twin flame.  You don't ever get over it or forget.  The best you can do is adjust and even with that, nothing is ever quite right ever again..  I could talk volumes on that subject.  I met mine in England in 1999 and he rejected me.  With me, he rejected everything about his spirituality that was good.  It is most sad but, unfortunately, it is the reality of the situation.   Since he could not separate me from  his sense of mission and dedication to spirit, he had to reject all of it.

Also, don't confuse soulmate with soul flame or soul twin.  We have many soulmates but only one twin flame/soultwin.  Getting over a soulmate can be hard also but it is very possible to forget and move on.  However, encountering a soulmate can give one a change to 'practice' that deep soul connection without permanent harm to the psychic.  It can feel like the real thing but you know it is not when the relationship is over and you can go on type thing.  It's a feeling very difficult to explain.   

I've met a half dozen or so of mine. Meeting the true twin without any of these experiences prior can be devastating and, even, life threatening, if there is rejection.  Anyway, soulmates are souls you have romantic attachment for because of knowing them in other lives.  They are also part of the greater oversoul of who you are BUT not the twin.

It is the soul flame/twin which is impossible to forget.  You can not detach from them . ..  you are forever connected whether 'you think' you have chosen this connection or not.   It is a life contract that can not be severed, only denied.  Most people never meet their true soul flame . . . only soulmates. No matter what happens, though, it is a wonderful gift to meet your true twin.  Still, rejection on that meeting IS a very real possibility since there are very few of us who can stand in the light of our own reflection (which the twin very much IS) and then, acknowledge and accept what we see.   The meeting of a twin flame, can in and of itself, can be our important life's test. 

And, how do you get the twin who has rejected you to realize their mistake?  Well, there isn't a whole lot you can do except to continue to do what feels right.   Seek to feel compassion for their personality's natural reaction to withdraw in fear.   Surround them always with light and love.  Their energies will be around you also and, if you tend to remember your dreams. you may find yourself always dreaming of their presence.  This is because, regardless of what they think in their state of denial, they will still be drawn to their twin soul's energy.  It is healing for them.  That is as it should be.  

When one is lost in denial, there is little that will influence and awaken that person to truth except their own self-realization that they are in fact IN DENIAL.   The greatest gift you can give your twin is to continue to evolve on your spiritual path and do what exactly what you came to do.   Because the two of you are so bound together on a deep soul level, any positive movement toward your own evolvement WILL affect and help to jumpstart theirs.   Also, if you easily communicate with your guides and masters, then communicating with your twin soul is just as possible. 

20060123 Jeez. Just found this on an old dating site profile of mine from early 2004.   It sounds cool at least LOL.

"In my poetry and other writings you'll discover who I am . . . a very spiritual, compassionate, hopeless romantic . . . All my life I have been looking to find my perfect life partner . . . someone who believes in true unconditional love the way I do . . . someone who shares the same dreams of making a difference in the world . . . through our teaching and creative efforts . . . someone who believes, as I do, that spirituality is a way of life . . . that each person must find their own truth and truly live it. I've seen that man a thousand times in my dreams. I even saw him once in a very mystical village in England. How our eyes met . . . I will never forget. If you can fit that picture or come close, please write. In fact, I'd love to hear from anyone who shares my passion for artistic expression . . . Just moved to Santa Fe, NM in December from the East Coast. NOTE: I do value a great friendship far more a romantic connection. Great love flows from great friendship. Think about it!"

20060302  Wow!  I didn't realize it had been so long since I put an entry here.  I've written plenty but just haven't posted.   Thought there are lots of new haikus.   Yesterday, I was thinking a lot about sharing visions and dreams with someone you love.  That feeling lead me to a singles' site I hadn't been to in a long time.  

20060325 . . .

"Animal Lifeboat" narrated by James Earl Jones  Please watch this wonderful video at Utube.   Note that the previous link given here at is permanently down.  This is part one so look for second and third parts at utube. (updated 12/2009)

So many people go about their daily lives and have no clue what is happening to animals even in their own local areas.

If a man were imprisoned in a cement cage for 25 years without any contact with his own kind, as was the gorilla in this film, what would happen to him?   Surely, that man would be antisocial, insane, or catatonic, assuming he is still alive and has not tried to kill himself.  It is amazing that this animal had the ability to even cope after such an ordeal.  And, this is only one of the many horror stories in the world of animal-human relations.  We don't need to attend the cinema to find horror, it's right in our own backyards!

7/24/2006   Many of the entries below are actually commentaries I made on the WEECreate or other discussion forums.  I thought I would add them here since I have neglected my postings here for a time. 

What is a starseed? (Originally written 2/1/2006) People have often asked me 'What is a starseed?'   And, indeed, it is not an easy question to answer. I'm one and can't really give you a clear definition. Although, not all starseeds fit the mold suggested by the starseed test, it does give you a rather accurate description of what a typical starseed might experience and feel however.

The starseed quiz posted by Mark Roberts is actually not the original but Mark's own take on the quiz. That may be why some fail it more frequently than the original. You have to know a lot about history and Egyptian gods to even understand some of his questions. It deviates much from the original.

I would recommend reading Brad & Francie Steiger's (1981) book, Star People. In fact, that's where the original quiz can be found. At least, that is what I have come to acknowledge as the original.  A more recent version is online at their site: You'll notice there is no scoring on this quiz. That's right. The original quiz did not result in a score. Rather, you were to compare your answers to the trends of answers received from others who claimed to be starseeds. It was someone else who took the quiz and made it scorable. As Lynn points out a questionnaire of simple yes and no answers can hardly define an individual. But then the Steigers did not intend it be used that way.

That book is also where you'll find the best explanation of what a starseed is. The thing about us that stands out the most is that we have all known since birth that earth is NOT our home. It is not just that we think we are not of this planet . . . we KNOW for absolute certainity we are not. It is instinctual. Beyond that, everything else is up for grabs as far as definition. We usually have a lower blood pressure, extra vertebrae, have blue/hazel eyes, are hypersensitive to just about everything, are empaths, are driven by a sense of mission since birth, been visited by aliens at least once between ages 5-12, etc, etc. Although these all apply to me, there are those who see themselves as starseeds that have none of these traits. Again, the quiz was designed to help starseeds struggling to accept their identity or even denying it, to find themselves . . . the questions are only triggers to remind them of who they are so they can get beyond the blocks that conceal their true identity.

Frank Alper, one of my spiritual teachers and probably the best authority on starseeds, says that starseeds are very unique because they received special intensive 'training' prior to incarnation on Arcturus. This training adjusted their brain waves to vary on higher and lower frequencies so that they would be compatiable with any humanoid thought forms, whereas both 'aliens' and 'walk-ins' do not have this variable wave capacity and can only relate to those at their own frequencies.

Creating aliens with variable wave capacity was sort of like the army creating a 'special forces' unit. The variability breaks through communications barriers more easily. It also assists greatly in the
ability to discern in the recognition of illogic and untruth from a very early age.

It is not that starseeds, aliens or walk-ins are 'better' than the other as such. It is just that each has been prepared to serve a specific function in the evolution of human consciousness. For starseeds, this gift did not comes without its costs. In fact, many starseeds, including myself, have been labelled as ADD/ADHD because of this unique brain wave activity which makes us appear learning disabled. This, in turn, creates major, even crippling, issues of self-worth. Such issues are an obtacle that all starseeds must battle and conquer. Of course, this uniqueness also gives starseeds the opportunity to realize it is not a disability they suffer from but a wonderful gift that one must learn how to use and explore to the best advantage of humanity.

►Disassociation:  Probably some of you (who are starseeds) reading this can relate to someone commenting that we're disassociated or need grounding in the 'real world.'

Starseeds may have great talents but they also have very unique problems. Maybe more about my experience might help explain this phenomenon.

I could always multi-task very well with much skill but yet I had a very noticeable 'delayed' response to most stimuli. I now attribute that condition to the fact that I had a different brain chemistry than others (as is consistent with the variable brain wave activity theory of Frank Alper talked about in my last post*) and a general state of disassociation.. It took me longer to access information within my brain but the results I got, when taking a essay test for example, were far superior than those around me. This is, though, assuming I was allowed an extra 10 minutes or so to finish the exam. In graduate school, I came to formulate certain theories regarding the brain chemistry of both the creative and starseed brain that largely substantiated this phenomena, even to the amazement of my cognition professor.

The strange disassociation I seemed to have was most pronounced from birth to about my late 30's. I can only describe it this way . . . I was a sense of awareness trapped into a huge robot body I could barely operate. It took great effort to move a finger, walk or to speak. It was like I had to "plan it", then "think it" before I could "do it." I looked autistic to some. Very difficult to explain. Suffice to say, I was not anyone's first choice as a teammate in school softball games. LOL

It took me many years to fully integrate into the human experience. In fact, what forced that final integration was a trauma in 1983 that segmented my spiritual and astral bodies and trapped me in what I saw as an unbearable deep, dark dungeon (that is, being locked in the body without the spiritual contact or astral mobility to travel out-of-body I'd had since a child). I could do nothing but try to reheal my outer bodies to regain my contact with spirit. This was after my efforts to destroy myself proved fruitless. For over nine months, I could not eat or sleep but my "walk-in's" awareness that these things were not necessary to life sustenance, kept me alive. I learned volumes from this experience.

Well, perhaps some of you can relate.

►The notion of being creative:  (originally written 2/4/2006)  I do want to clarify for everyone this notion of 'being creative.'  The subject came up because a friend was encouraging all to be creative! And, so do I. However, I don't want anyone turned away from my forums or from this site because they think they're not creative. Being creative encompasses many things. It is NOT limited to art, writing or music. It's also about just expressing yourself in other 'creative ways' . . . whether your mission be about teaching, healing, manifesting a better destiny or just being a better you . . . these are all creative ways to express the essence of who you are.

I wrote a poem a couple of years ago called, "
Real Value and the Living Book." It's onsite if you'd like to read it (click on the title above).  The story behind this poem? . . . Well, my soul twin in England had expressed his disappointment in his own self for not having written the great American novel and for having failed in many previous lifetimes. I told him he was silly for thinking this way.  Unfortunately, he didn't take it so well.   In the poem I tried again to communicate what I was feeling.  I said that he had not failed  .. .  for, even if he never writes a word, the book that most influences people is the 'living book' which is HIS LIFE . . .

So, dear friends, live your truth so your life 'living book' turns out to be a bestseller!

It also doesn't matter whether you are a starseed, walk-in, alien, starhelper, or just a truly spiritual being. What's important is HOW you use the tools you've been given to help yourself and to help humanity. If the most advanced soul on this planet turns away from his or her mission and denies their identity (and destiny), then what does it matter who they were in pastlives, what kind of 'being' they are or from whence they came? Be a star but be it for being just exactly the way you are!

►Organic portals and "souled" humans?   (originally written 2/15/2006) Someone sent me the following link that was posted on another forum. It's about organic portals and souled humans. I found this article extremely interesting as were many of the other articles posted on this site and others sites linked/associated with it.

I think it could be the basic for a very interesting discussion here. I'd love to hear what others think about this whole topic in general.

This particular article is based on a Matrix theory (yes, like the movie) with two very distinctly different races living on earth. I am very curious as to who exactly is the author and how he or she arrived at these conclusions based on what data. I will probably write them.

I guess that many of us have had similar theories about the state of humanity. Although I would probably not have gone so far as to portray the "earth" robotic beings as totally without soul, but rather that they have no sense of compassion or cosmic consciousness or a means of acquiring it. Many years ago I noticed a difference of brain chemistry and function between the two 'groups' . . . linear vs dynamically creative brain patterns. It's interesting how their theory here "fits" somewhat along this line of thought.

These 'robotic-like' beings, I tend to agree here with the article's author, originated from the humanoid like creatures that lived on this planet prior to the arrival of our ET ancestors. Humm? There's both a lot of similarity and dissimilarty in theories here for sure. "The Bringers of the Dawn" and many other books pose a similar theory about two distinct races.

Oh, I definitely disagree on one major point . . . the ratio of 50-50% of 'organic vs souled' in this article seems way off to me. I would say the cosmic 'souled' beings (starseeds, ET, walk-ins, cosmic conscious beings, etc) to be less than even 1% of the population.

My thinking here is that IF this article was an attempt by some government player to introduce misinformation, it's doing a very good job. The 50-50% statement at the beginning is enough to throw off the truth factor and 'unofficially invaluate the 99.99% of the information that is valid. (That's the way disinformation works BTW. If even a 10th of a percent is incorrect, it invalids all. Clever way to discredit truth, isn't it?)

As it is with many 'higher consciousness' people, if even one statement in a book does not ring true to me, I will tend either not to read any further or I will be suspect of every statement made thereafter. This happened to me in the reading of Marianne Williamson's "A Return to Love." In the first chapter there was a blatant misrepresentation/misquote from the Course In Miracles. This was a major premise upon which the rest of the book's idealogy was based. I could read no further. I was appalled and disappointed. I swore I would never again pick up a Marianne Williamson book. Still haven't.

I also had occasion to attend a Marianne Williamson lecture subsequently. Not only was she rude to me and other members of a nonprofit spiritual organization (we had been invited there by HER publicist), the lecture she gave ON the Course in Miracles did not relate to the Course in even the remotest sense of the word. It was obvious to me that she had no clue what the Course was really all about. I even doubted she had read it. How she became a bestselling author based on a book full of misinformation still troubles me.

A curious thing . . . my computer went down while I was exploring one of the related sites shown as links on the original site for organic portals.  It was as if an energy bullet had made my computer malfunction. I'm not saying that anything did or didn't. It's just very odd, especially since I experienced no problems before or after this happened.

►Truth, organic portals, drones, the powers that be and divine manifestation:   (originally written 2/16/2006) Apparently, this notion of organic portals etc very much upset one of my friends.  A new truth has a way of doing this however. It will shock you into higher and higher levels of awareness. For each new 'truth' will challenge every other truth you hold dear. This IS a good thing. If, by the way, things said there in that article, on my forums or by me, do NOT ring true to you, it is your choice to reject them and not accept them into your truth. I respect your truth as I respect mine and everyone else's here. The body of our beliefs IS our universe . . . each universe is separate and distinct. This IS as it should be. Truth within a universe is relative to and builds upon every other truth that exists within it.

Yes, I am absolutely sure on the percentages. In fact, I may be over estimating. gives the figure of 6.6 Billion people on earth now. One percent of 6.6 Billion people is a LOT of people. One percent would put our numbers at 65 Million. We are no where even close to that. Still, we are far from being alone.  And, of course, the percentages of aware in the general population are also growing.

If we were 50% or even 10%, maybe we could be in control, except that we are not. However, the 99.9+% are not in control either. Look at history. The power to control has always rested with the elite few and not with the many. Nor has a drone society ever had the wherewithall to rule itself except by means of instinct. Look at one of the most complex of animal societies . . .ants. It's depends entirely on slave labor and one queen.

And, exactly who are the elite few? You want the truth? Okay, I will give it to you (as I see it). Anyway, what I'm about to say may sound totally crazy, but I'm sure it is nothing here you have not heard before.

Figure heads, meaning Kings and our elected officials, are often drones because they are easily manipulated by the ones behind the scenes actually in power. Bush has often been accused of having robotic like reactions. He's been caught on video tape not blinking for long time intervals. I have seen the tapes. This could be because he IS actually one of the manufactured drones. Humans blink. Apparently he's been told about this and has started blinking again. My belief is that this was no mistake. Those in power wanted our group to know he was a drone, a puppet. However, Bush is not our enemy. Psychic energies (anger, hate etc) directed toward him do nothing to the ones actually in charge. Having pawns to take the brunt of misdirected energies . . . IS one of the many ways they protect their cocoon of identity from our psychic attacks. If we have no specific identities to focus on, then we only waste our energies in such attempts.

In truth, we ARE actually very much a part of this elite grouping except there is another fraction within it of which we (meaning aliens of allegiance to the light) are NOT an accepted component. Therefore, we ARE the enemy.

The ruling classes have always married within their own and they were and are all of alien consciousness. Yes, we ARE fighting against our own kind! They represent a population of aliens off-planet that have a much different agenda from ours. Drones, both native to this planet and manufactured by cloning (a very existent reality), are a necessary part of their plan for this planet. Earth to them is merely a breeding ground of livestock, fear is how they keep the drones under control. Over a million people totally disappear without a trace every single year. This number is low at less than 1/10th of a percent of the population so it is easily overlooked. It's hard to believe that such a large number of people simply disappear, yes? So, where do they go? No one tells us about these things but they still happen nonetheless. Wars, fake UFOs, media shows etc, etc are all smoke screens to cover up these covert activities and the real agenda. I even wonder about some of these plane crashes where they 'claim' to find DNA remains but nothing else. Humm . . .

Knowledge is our greatest and ONLY defense. They will not take the flesh of an aware individual or another alien. I have no way of proving this but my belief is that the antibodies etc in the flesh of an aware individual is actually toxic to them. Do not be afraid for it is they who fear us.

I suggest that if you have not done so, that you read Bringers of the Dawn. The full text is online at Just select all, right click, save and copy it to the body of a word or pdf document.   Barbara Marciniak's book can help put a lot of this into perspective far better than I can. I found its text to ring truer than any book I've read since the Course in Miracles (the only scripture to which I give credence). It talks about this agenda of the ruling class aliens more in depth.

I believe it also talks about the cloning experiments that went on in the Ancient tribes of Atlantis, Egypt, etc. . . . combining the DNA of either aliens or the humanoid like creatures existing at the time with other earth beasts. Their technology was far advanced than anything we have now (I exclude here what goes on in secret government labs around the globe). If you doubt such a thing occurred . . . the next time you go to a big city, observe the people as you walk down the street. If you keep an open mind and look for an animal in the faces of these peoples, you will see at least a dozen distinctly different animals. I look like a lion because, as a starseed, I descend from a race of lion people from Sirius and when I came into the body, it morphed somewhat as was appropriate.

One last thought . . . .I read in one of those articles (from another site attached to the organic portals one) that there is no such thing as creating your own reality. I wholeheartedly disagree. Another book I'd recommend would be Life and Teachings of the Masters of the Far East. (I do have the full text in a computer file somewhere if any of you have trouble finding it.)   It is another of the few books that really rang true for me. It will give you a totally different perspective on the nature of life itself. It talks about the true Masters who were able to control their own spiritual and physical realities. The human condition, however, tells us that none of what they did is possible. The problem is in achieving TRUE mastership as these men did. Their lives are truly inspiring and will give anyone, who reads the book, renewed faith in the power of the divine.

I love the old saying, "There is nothing to fear except fear itself." This is true. Remember, you have nothing to fear for it will always be they who fear us, the ones who carry knowledge as their protector.

►A drone society?  The organic Portals and Souled Humans discussion continued . . (originally written on 2/16/2006)  On responding to my comments on organic portals and souled humans, a member of my forum introduced here a whole other discussion that clearly did not relate to the issue of organic portals vs higher level beings. It also opened up a whole new discussion on the nature of who WE are. So, (addressing all here) in response to these discussions, please be clear in your subject as to which line of thought you are commenting on. Thanks to all.

So, that said, it follows that . . . who we are has nothing to do with the various groupings/types of beings that exist on this planet.

They either exist or they do not. It is fact or it is not. You might be contained in a type of organic portal but an organic portals, as it was defined by the original article in question, would not contain a higher level soul such as any of us. End of comparison. Organic portals, if they exist, have the ability to learn but would have no capacity for achieving higher level awareness because they do not have the depth of consciousness in order to comprehend it. That is the theory in question.

It could also be the root of the problem in trying to spread enlightenment on this planet. Following this theory . . .we can guide the masses to the light as Moses and Elijah (my oversoul) did in ancient times. But, as soon as someone more charismatic comes along and captures their allegiance, these same beings (we thought we had enlightened) will follow. That is the whole idea and purpose of an anti-Christ (that is ANYTHING that serves to take us away from the pursuit of higher level awareness and consciousness.) Highly aware beings could never be lead in this manner!! And, this too is a fact!

Have you not wondered why certain sleazy politicians could have the support that they do . . . and why it does not make sense logically that they support these people who have done terrible things without punishment? In fact the worse the crime, sometimes the more they follow. Under this theory, the masses can be lead wherever it is the ruling classes want them to go. Maybe it is this organic portal theory that can explain the tendency of a mob to go along with its self-appointed leaders, for their will is not of being individuals but of being of the many . . . a group mind or Matrix (as from the article and the movie of the same name.)

I just realized something here (in following the theorical thread). If we are at war with other highly aware beings for the allegiance of the masses, and those who make up the masses are indeed without depth of consciousness, who is it we are trying to enlighten other than ourselves and those within our own grouping? And, also following this theory, leading the masses -- as many references in the Bible tell us of leading the flock -- is of even more key importance. For whoever rules the masses, rules the world in light or in darkness. At least, that's what I was taught in Propaganda 401 . . . yes, a college course I actually took.

I'd like to get back to a sense of reality here . . . It does not matter whether the theory of a drone mass is a reality or not. Getting our voice and our writings into the mainstream is still very important. The more we can influence others in opening to the light, the greater the force of light is on this planet. An animal will respond to love as will any creature, with or without a higher awareness.

Never underestimate the power of love. The Course in Miracles, the Bible and every other scripture out there say we originated from love and that we ARE the vibration of love. It is only darkness that separates us from our realization of the essence of who we are, that is, love. Even a mechanically created drone has logic . . . could it use that logic to respond to love . . the essence of all that is the universe, even them? I think it might.

I am remembering a cute Disney story about a robot that somehow developed emotions. Farfetched?

Authorís Credits (originally written 2/20/2006) -There is an issue that needs to be addressed here and I decided to post my comments here for others to read also because it is a very important topic . . . authorship and giving credit where it is due.

I'm sure all of us here appreciate someone's postings of various insights. However, I often see a person give not credit to themselves or anyone else for having written them!! In the future, we ask that you please provide a credit byline to the author on all postings of creative work or commentary of others. This goes for everyone BTW.

As a representative of that group of people who have devoted their life to expression through the written word, I would very upset if I knew that someone was posting my poetry, stories or essays without giving me credit for having written them. Think about it. How would you feel if you saw a website or got an email with a word-for-word reprint of your literary piece and no mention that you are the author of those words?

This commentary originated from a person on my forum doing a reposting of Gerardus Everardus Tros' Cosmic Cookies.  All websites I've seen give credit for the cosmic cookies to Gerardus I do not know the author on these other two. I didn't see them on Gerardus' site but they could be there

If they are your writings, you must also indicate this. And, if they aren't yours, please consider sharing your OWN thoughts about various topics rather than the thoughts of others we can easily read on websites for ourselves. We want to hear what YOU think! Everyone has opinions and original thoughts. Share them!

Yes, my forums and website are about sharing creative works. The purpose is to be a safe haven to share your own work and thoughts. It is not so much about sharing the work of others outside the group. However, when we do share others' work, we must give that other person credit for their creative efforts. If you don't know an author's name, do some research and find out who is it is or say you do not know in your posting.

I left the WE forum because of Ranoli and the issue of authorship. She put stories belonging to others in a book without any byline except hers on the cover. This is blatant misrepresentation and theft. I am NOT her. I can not and will not condone what she did nor will I allow disregard for authorship here.

So . . .everyone . . . author's credits please!

►A Pretend Cosmic-Interdimensional fair:   One of my group suggested the idea of imagining an interdimensional cosmic fair and asked what we'd do for a booth.  I thought about it for a long time and came up with the following.   I can't post what others wrote since I don't have their permission but if you have a great idea, please send it along to me via the cosmic courier (also known as email) and I'll consider printing the best ones.  Well, here goes . . . MY BOOTH  . . . 

First, I would ask my soultwin to join me in this venture so we could take a double sized booth. Our booth would be truly multi-dimensional. On the one side would be unique collection of art treasures from my home Sirius and other highly evolved planets in that vicinity. It would include a set of paintings representing the various species of my home galaxy. My personal favorites are the bird and lion like people since I remember being one of their kind. We also have a great selection of books. Some are by us and some by friends. Ours are both include creative writings and also chronicle our travels throughout alien worlds.

You can also order a Aerordo Flanik (a very tasty sort of burger), Orion Hullamgenic Zort (a real-space-you-out kind of zummy cake) or a Sirius Morzic Shake (this one has a real wallop). Yes, that's right. We've collected quite a few recipes from across the galaxies and have lots of interesting delicacies for you to taste.

On the other side of the booth are two state-of-art interdimensional Teleporta Chambers. There are various ways you can take a 15 to 45 minute trip to another world, dimension, alternative reality or another time.

First, I'd recommend you get a full 'reading' from the Etovisplasm Viewer. What does this handy dandy little device do? Well, it will read the multi-dimensional energy gridwork of your oversoul and will zoom into a specific region of it . . .on the space and time continuum. It will read past, current and future lives as they are currently mapped. Once you have identified the region you wish, the unit has a small viewer and you can enjoy the whole record, fastforward or move on to another region. You can also enter the Teleporta Chamber to screen view the record in 3-D mode and/or visit that reality as an actual observer. Sorry, real time visits are not permitted except for current or future time sequences at the time. Of course, you can simply view other dimensions etc unrelated to your oversoul. That's where my interesting species paintings come in. You can choose a particular alien species to visit from my gallery and learn more about other cultures.

Well, off to work at the Galaxy Scoop Reporter. I hear those darn Pleiadians are pretending to be Sirians again! Got to do some investigative reporting! LOL Enjoy all the great treats!

Note:  All seeming relationships to reality in the above passage are your imagination.  Or are they?  LOL

More on twin flames:   (originally written 3/1/2006 in response to a friend) Yes, that is what I said. We have only one true soul twin and many soul mates. Soul mates prepare us for meeting that twin, assuming we are even lucky enough to have the opportunity. Few ever meet the true twin and if a relationship does form, most often it is not a romance one in nature. It is just too intense, among other things.

And, soul mates must prepare us because the meeting of one's twin is always burdened with the greatest karmic challenge we will ever come to face.

Most people are not ready to look into the eyes of another who holds the closest thing to an exact mirror of who they are that will ever exist. One thinks he or she can handle such a reality but few actually can. I know of several soul twin couples who are far apart now because they could not. I am one of them. I could easily place all the blame for that distance on my twin but the fact remains that, if it had not been my twin who rejected our connection, it probably would have been me. The problem is that in order to be with you, accept you and love you, a twin must first deal with every issue that meeting you has brought up. Unfortunately, we can't change another person's perceptions and fears, only our own.

Good luck to any of you who think they have met the true twin. However, I think it might be a greater blessing to wish that you had not met the true twin, but rather instead, wish that you find a truly genuine match, be it a soul mate, twin or whatever, fully open to sharing a lifetime of fulfilling mutual missions, hopes, dreams, challenges and joys.

ET Visitation of our young ones and protective shields:   (in response to someone who wrote that their child was being visited by ETs .. . written in early March, 2006) That is interesting. It is obvious that something is visiting them. However, I never got the impression that the big-eyed ETs were the good guys. (See Bringers of the Dawn, I think Barbara agrees with me, at least on that point) I do believe, though, that the big-eyed one are curious about the starchildren and want to know more about them. So, they, along with the guardian 'parent' planet ETs, do visit these children on a regular basis. I was visited. My eldest son was visited. I do not think their experiments on star people is allowed. Star people are only observed. These ETs, however, don't always know the difference and their experiments are occasionally misguided.

Make sure you ask that protection be put around your children so they are only approached by the guardians. THIS invocation of a shield of protection is very important. Do it! BTW I know, with absolute certainty, that all modifications of my physical being or psyche came from only the guardian ETs. I received three implants from the guardians, one of which still remains. There were no words for a special child when my son was born other than starseed or starchild. I just always knew my eldest son was special. He is now 29. How could it be that, even in preschool, he was known as the little professor? He had great insights to share with everyone, even then. He had many strange very 'real' dreams.

 At five, he started telling me who I had been in his pastlives and later, whenever I spoke to him of mine, he could tell exactly who he had been in mine. Many of us have problems in school. I've spoken before of my slow-motion reaction time to things because of my being out-of-psych with my physical body. My son was flunking some of his subjects because he refused to conform to the rules, etc. I was forced to transfer him out of the school system into a private 'alternative' school where the child creates his or her own lesson plan. He soon, not only improved, he starting showing his unique talents and genius. He focused on developing his fascination for both animal and human evolution into an art. He went on to graduate from college with honors.  He was visited frequently. He was scared to death of the big-eyed ones. I didn't know it at first. He ran to me, in tears, hysterical, when his father shut the lights off, begging me to allow the lights to stay on because the dark frightened him so much. (I obviously divorced that man who, continually, refused to understand the uniqueness of his own child.)

Anyway, my son was super sensitive and he told me there were beings coming into his room from the closet and from outside too. The ones from outside took him places. The big-eyed ones and the others from the closet scared him to death. One day he showed me a surgical scar that just appeared from no where. It had not been there the day previously. That's when he really got frightened because he felt he had no control over what they could do to him. That's when I realized I needed to invoke the shield of protection around him. His fear slowly abated after that and there were no future 'experiment' incidents.

Complicating the issue was the fact that a young woman and her baby had been murdered in the house years before in the 1930's. Her presence and the deed-doing dark entity were frequently felt there. My son felt it more because his room was right next to the bathroom, the scene of the crime. There was an opening in his closet to the back of the bathroom fixtures. Even though it had a cover, he insisted that I seal it up. That sealing helped but it took an full exocism to remove the dark one. An aside: This dark one was a demonic presence that I had fought in a pastlife as a spiritual man in Egypt. My son had been one of my daughters then.

Sharing our truth with Relatives and friends (originally written 3/27/2006)   Note:  This is a response to comments on when it's okay to share with friends and family  . . . Yes, it does depend on the level of awareness and understanding a person is at. This is my view on the subject . . .

Usually you will know or 'feel' where a person is at. Go with that feeling. However, when it is obvious that a person is 'stuck' in a belief system that condemns all that you love and understanding, hold your tongue. Speak only if your intention is to shock them and walk away . .. forever. I've done this with strangers when I feel they could use a bit of a 'shake-up.'

I had a problem with a close male friend when I lived in Pennsylvania. I made the mistake of being completely honest with a person who could not even begin to understand.the nature of who I was. At the time of the incidence he seemed accepting. However, it was just a deception because he was in love with me and playing the 'game' of understanding. I was a loveable kook then. After that it didn't matter what I said or did, his opinion never changed. Since I moved two years ago, we barely speak anymore but I am still just an unstable and crazy fool who needs 'pity.' Ah . . . perceptions, oh how they play us!

This is exactly why groups such as this one get formed. We can not influence anyone who is close-minded with words about matters that are above their level of awareness and comprehension.. It is truly hard to remain silent but we must. In interactions with such people, it is important to LIVE who you are through your actions and not through endless explanations that will never hold any meaning to them. However, they WILL be able to experience the love that you are as long as they are not looking through a preconceived notion of what they think you 'should be'.

So, we must deal with relatives the same way as we would with the masses. We must teach only through example by living and being what we truly are . . . the essence of love. When they are ready to listen, we will know. Even then we must speak with caution and at their level of understanding.

20060724 -- Well, I just posted a lot of back commentary above.  Please feel free to check out my WEECreate group in Yahoo and make submissions if you feel so inclined.. 

I am working towards FINALLY getting some of my books published.  Hopefully, I will have at least one poetry collection published by the end of the year and I'm shooting for more.  It's funny how time goes by so quickly and so many things get in the way of doing that very thing you 'think' drives your purpose.   For sure, my life typifies this pattern.  It was never what they call writer's block.  It was . . .work writing projects always came first or I was too tired or I was deep in the grips of some crisis . . . the last of which was the death of my dear friend and illustrator, Toni Donelow Stewart.  If any of you can relate to that please email me.

Soon, I hope to also have a blog on women's issues and other more mainstream issues. Yes, I actually am knowledgeable in those areas and can write about that stuff also!  It will be accessible from the Santa Fe New Mexican newspaper website (my employer).

Goodnite for now. ~ Shirl



Love in perfection is touching with heart and soul in all done and said...
-- Shirl A. Steward





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