All the art, poems or song lyrics on this page are the work of my best friend, Toni Donelow Stewart (1941-2004), copyright 2000 thru 2004 all rights reserved for the future benefit of her children, Bryan and Jeremy. 

TONI'S POEMS AND LYRICS

 

 

 

Warrior Wolf by Toni Donelow Stewart

 Warrior Wolf by Toni Donelow Stewart     

 

Youíre Such a Sly Fox

 

You pounded my heart with a rock,

You just had to open that box,

You just had to break the lock

Like the hinge on the jaw of a mighty croc

Youíre such a sly fox Ė

YouĎre such a sly fox . . . youíre in all my thoughts.

 

And I find myself searching on the wind

For the quickest way back in

Youíre in all my thoughts; youíre such a sly fox.

Can you tell me what you want?

Can you tell me what you got?

Youíre such a sly fox

Youíre such a sly fox . . . youíre in all of my thoughts.

 

And as the candle burns away,

The candle burns away

I live in countdown . . .  

I live in countdown . . .

I canít even count, now

Youíre such a sly fox; youíre in all my thoughts

Tell me what you want?

Can you tell me what you got?

(Can you tell me where youíve gone?)

 

Canít put you behind me, I want you beside me

Youíre all that I want; I want you to find me.

And as the candle burns away,

The candle burns away

I live in countdown . . . 

I live in countdown . . .

I canít even count, now

Youíre such a sly fox; youíre in all my thoughts

Tell me what you want?

Can you tell me what you got?

(Can you tell me where youíve gone?)

(I live in countdown, I live in countdown,
I canít even count now, I live in countdown.)

And I find myself searching on the wind

For the quickest way back in

Youíre in all my thoughts; youíre such a sly fox.

Can you tell me what you want?

Can you tell me what you got?

Youíre such a sly fox

Youíre such a sly fox . . . youíre in all of my thoughts.

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

Written 7/14/2003 5:54:31 AM

Wooferoo cutout by Toni Donelow Stewart

"Wooferoo" cutout by Toni Donelow Stewart  

Love Lit Up The World

Love lit up the moon. . .
Love lit up the stars,
Love lit up the feeling
That was felt all the way to Planet Mars,
Love lit up the moonlight
Love pulled the sunrise into the sky
Love lit up my heart
Love lit up your eyes
Love is wherever you are,
And I hope you will be mine.
I know that I will love you. . .until the end of time. . ..

 

Toni Donelow Stewart,
Copyright ©Dec 15, 2004

Still the dog cartoon by Toni Donelow Stewart

(must come from having truckers in the family?  Hehe)

 

Sweet Cantina

 

Sweet cantina in the sunset,

Iíd die for just one more drink

Iím leaning on the bar too far

But I needed time to think.

Iím a redneck in the bar-room

And Iím quite the one to impress

But I ainít seen nothing like you

Since I left the West.

 

Well I came to my decision

That I missed it all too much

But instead of a train, to come out this way

I climbed into my truck.

 

Sweet Cantina, itís good to see ya

Sweet Cantina, my old friend

Iíve been a long time away and got lots to say

But Iíll save that for the end.

 

I was on the road with a heavy load

And I felt the past fly fast behind

Am I just an operator, or am I an instigator

To get to point B on time?

 

Sweet cantina in the sunset,

Iíd die for just one more drink

Iím leaning on the bar too far

But I needed time to think.

Iím a redneck in the bar-room

And Iím quite the one to impress

But I ainít seen nothing like you

Since I left the West.

 

Sweet Cantina, itís good to see ya

Sweet Cantina, my old friend

Iíve been a long time away and got lots to say

But Iíll save that for the end.1/8/2004 6:10:11 AM

 

 

© Copyright 2004 By Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

 

Old postcard favorite of Toni's

 

 

WAR ON THE PEACE TRAIN

 

Written by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

Sleeping strangers in darkened rooms,

Shadows on the walls saying there is doom

I hold up my head and I cry out loud

And I wonder, whatís going down.

Slapped inside of a big cell block

Angerís riding me bad

No telling me

What kind of drugs youíve had

Iíve seen these four walls before

I been here twice,

Your best bet is not to go there tonight.

 

And love is the farthest thing away

Thereís so much you find, youíll never find again

You try so hard not to make the same mistake

War on the Peace Train

Thereís War on the Peace TrainÖ

 

The sun beats down upon the mighty clock

Listening for the keys in the big old locks,

Itís quarter to nine, I want to make my break

War on the Peace TrainÖ.

 

And it seems to be just too much

To fall from grace?

I wonder what it was that I never knew

Before I saw your face,

It seems to me, to be a grave mistake

To fall for your love just to feel your hate.

 

And love is the farthest thing away

Thereís so much you find, youíll never find again

You try so hard not to make the same mistake
War on the Peace Train

Thereís War on the Peace TrainÖ

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

4/2/2003 11:46:03 PM

4/13/2003 12:10:28 PM rev

 

 

Raptor Running by Toni Donelow Stewart

 Raptor Running by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

Run to Me

 

The candle burns to lead you through the dark of night

Like the lighthouse with the light is there on the shore when you are out to sea

I hope the lights you got wherever you are now will lead you back to me,

If itís moonlight or sun, I hope you look with open eyes and run to me.

 

And the healing that will come will only make life feel so fine

I know I know Iím overly-optimistic but you know Iím real, all the time,

Iíve bled and Iíve burned in my own hell,

Iím looking for loveÖlike everyone else

But Iíd rather turn it all around and love you forever.

 

The candle burns to lead you through the dark of night

Like the lighthouse with the light is there on the shore when you out to sea

I hope the lights you got wherever you are now will lead you back to me,

If itís moonlight or sun, I hope you look with open eyes and run to me.

(Unfinished; to be continued)

2/4/2004 1:37:22 AM

 

 

Together by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

Home With Me

 

Once I was lost, and you were there,

You found me so many times I had despaired

You lifted me up when you werenít aware

I know I know now, youíre not even there

But all this life something should count,

All the time I couldnít give out,

You held me back before I reached the end,

You are the One I wanted to be my Best Friend.

 

I cry now when I see your face every time

Or hear your name, in my own mind

I miss you soÖ.

I miss you tonightÖ.

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with meó

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with me--

 

It seems that Time would not allow us to hold our hearts too close together

It seems that life would not change the way I feel for all my life

And when I die, I will be gone foreverÖ.

 

I cry now when I see your face every time

Or hear your name, in my own mind

I miss you soÖ.

I miss you tonightÖ.

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with meó

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with me--

 

Once I was lost and you were there,

You found me so many times I had despaired

You lifted me up when you werenít even aware

I know I know now, youíre not even there

But all this life something should count,

All the time I couldnít give out,

You held me back before I reached the end,

You are the One I wanted to be my Best Friend.

By Toni Donelow Stewart,
2/3/2004 11:18:24 PM

 

 

The Colors of Life

 

I can taste candy on your sweet lips,

Iíve got a rose from you in my hand,

The colors of life that I see in your eyes

Tell me, ohhhhh, tell me ohhhhh tell me more.

 

You melt me like chocolate,

And pour me like wine

Itís all in your kiss,

And the colors of life, that I see in your eyes.

 

Like a superhero in my eyes,

Though Iím happy just that youíre kind

The colors of life, that I see in your eyes,

Tell me why---, tell me, why--- tell me why ---

 

There ainít nothing like this,

Itís all in your kiss

Iím getting my wish, now youíre mine.

There ainít nothing like this

Itís all in your kiss

Every time.

 

One less Angel in Heaven,

Less Darkness on Earth

And youíre mine Ė

Itís all in your kiss, every time,

The colors of Life, I see in your eyes.

 

You melt me like chocolate,

And pour me like wine

Itís all in your kiss,

And the colors of life that I see in your eyes.

 

There ainít nothing like this,

Itís all in your kiss

Iím getting my wish, now youíre mine.

There ainít nothing like this

Itís all in your kiss

And youíre mine.

(first draft version 1/29/2004 12:58:46 AM)

 

Just Crazy

 

(If you think this is about youÖit probably is!)

 

I think Iíve seen enough now please understand,

Iíve got more on my plate and more on my back

And I canítÖ.go looking for trouble like that,

I think itís love but Iíve had enough,

Iíve had enough to last me a good century

You want nothing from me, you get nothing -- thatís all you need.

 

I was just crazy, I was only crazy about you

And now Iím still crazy without you,

I wasnít only crazy about you, I was crazy

And I doubt you

Even care.

I was just crazy, I was just crazy

And you were never ever ďthere.Ē

 

I think Iíve seen enough now please understand,

Iíve got more than just my own life in my hands,

You go ahead and rip me, just rip me in half

Iíll pick up the pieces and carry them on my back,

 

I was just crazy, I was only crazy about you

And now Iím still crazy  without you,

I wasnít only crazy about you, I was crazy

And I doubt you

Even care.

I was just crazy, I was just crazy

And you were never ever ďthere.Ē

 

I think Iíve seen enough now please understand,

Iíve got more on my plate and more on my back

And I canítÖ.go looking for trouble like that,

I think itís love but Iíve had enough,

Iíve had enough to last me a good century

You want nothing from me, you get nothing -- thatís all you need.

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

(Her first draft version and obviously her final, done 1/29/2004 1:14:47 AM)

 

 

Ancient Lighthouse by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

Clouds and Nightmares

 

I know every crack up on this ceiling,

And Iím old enough to use my middle name,

Iíve been known to uncover lies with a feeling,

And to figure out whoís to blame.

Iíve been over and over this

Like wearing an old red satin shoe,

Iíve been living my life for you.

 

Iíve traveled from sunset to sunset

Iíve looked at life

In my own special ways,

Iíve written my love on the clouds in my mind

And Iíve felt it in my nightmares, sometimes.

 

There is music in your laughter

And your heart is in your eyes

And I know every crack upon my ceiling

Because I canít sleep and I canít get you off my mind.

 

Iím not a hunter, and Iím oh so cold without you near

Iím feeling like Iím 100 years old in my dreams

Oh I have to goÖ.for what itís worth or what it means.

Iíll be far from here.

(unfinished)

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

written 1/8/2004 5:51:38 AM

 

      

Toni in July, 2004, four months prior to her death

 

I Wonít Be Back

 

I sat on the edge of the river,

Holding the moonlight in my hands

It seems to me I still love you,

but you would not understand.

 

Iíve been looking at your face

In all the pictures in front of me,

And Iíd like to tell you that I love you, butÖ

You do not love me that I can see---

 

Thatís messed up, Iím getting out here fast

Like a thousand knives cutting a thousand times,

I love you but I wonít be back.

 

4:00 in the morning, and I leave my lights on

Whispering I love you but youíre gone,

I curl up inside my room, and I sleep alone,

Someday I might find you but you would not be home.

 

Thatís messed up, Iím getting out here fast

Like a thousand knives cutting a thousand times,

I love you but I wonít be back.

 

If sanityís saved for dreamers whoíve dreamt all of the dreams

Then what is life for those of us who are real?

Iíve been laughing like a hyena

Since the day you went away

I am trapped inside my feelings

Trying to find the words I cannot say.

 

ByToni Donelow Stewart

1/8/2004 3:50:52 AM

 

 

 

 "You need a pee-on" cartoon by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

Dangerline

 

You mighta been a silver lining

On some other rainy day

But itís about time that I saw your crimes

And I headed out this wayÖ.

Iím fine, Iím fine,

Iím walking the dangerline

but Iím fine I must say.

 

It seems to me Iím carrying on despite you

Like a cannonball Iím still feeling the blast

But you ripped my heart I canít find you

Oh yeah you know how to make those bad feelings last.

 

You mighta been a silver lining

On some other rainy day

But itís about time that I saw your crimes

And I headed out this wayÖ.

Iím fine, Iím fine,

Iím walking the dangerline

but Iím fine I must say.

 

The chokehold that is ďloveĒ for you

Is about to come to itís end

Iíve been one fool I know that

But itís all in my head.

Youíre a stranger and Iím a foreign land,

I donít care what you said.

 

There ainít no silver lining

On a cloud from a hurricane

And there ainít no time to kick a horse

That is already dead.

 

You mighta been a silver lining

On some other rainy day

But itís about time that I saw your crimes

And I headed out this wayÖ.

Iím fine, Iím fine,

Iím walking the dangerline

but Iím fine I must say.

 

1/8/2004 5:20:56 AM

 

 

Cheze Asleep by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

MOONLIGHT

 

Sailing down the edges of the river

With the moonlight on my back,

Iíve been searching the world around me

For the one I think I lack,

And Iím still trying to find you,

But Iím all alone---,

Iím afraid youíre not out thereÖyouíre not home.

 

Moonlight is like wine

and Iím the only one

Here in the waters,

watching the waves come

Like a sinner I canít find reward, for nothing I have earned

Iím alone and bare without youÖhavenít you heard?

 

Light trickles in the corners of my mind

When I am here,

And Iím standing on the edge of all my fears,

And Iím foreign to the things Iím made of

When Iím all alone.

 

It seems that some of us are sinners,

And some of us are saints

And for some of us itís already tomorrow,

And I fear itís just too lateÖ

Iíve been preaching all my values,

And singing with my old worn out guitar,

But I feel that I canít find you,

Youíre somewhere on a star.

 

Moonlight is like wine (Iím here without you now)

and Iím the only one

Here in the waters,

watching the waves come

Like a sinner I canít find reward, for nothing I have earned

Iím alone and bare without youÖhavenít you heard?

 

1/8/2004 5:00:07 AM

 

 

 

Glamour Kitty by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

Strange Dreams

 

Talk about them after midnight,

Is life really all that it seems?

(I wondered why the changes

and what do they mean to me?)

Talk about it, I have an amusing life

Dreaming strange dreams.

 

Living in a world of shadows

Since I withdrew into my-self,

Wishing I were more mellow

Wishing I were someone else.

 

Talk about it having strange dreams,

Like living lands and time and space

Talk about it, I have a strange life

But is life really all that it seems?

Dreaming strange dreams,

dreaming strange-strange dreams

Talk about it, I live a clean life

Living strange dreams, living strangely.

 

In the darkness I called out

And you weren't there

But I wanted to know you were alive

At that moment, felt you didn't care

In the darkness, I realized

I was alone just where I lay

Dreaming strange dreams about a strange life

Feeling more strangled by the day.

 

Talk it out now, having strange dreams

Talk about them after midnight -

Living clueless otherwise,

Talk about it having strange dreams

Like the strange world I come from

Is life all that it's cracked up to be?

I wonder,

Living a strange life,

Living strangely in strange dreams.

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

0539P10052001

 

 

 
Blue Water Bridge in Port Huron, Michigan (town where Toni last called home)

 

If the Train Don't Stop at Nine

 

Seems that I was always wrong

And you were doing fine

And I might just get enough

If I make up my mind

But I surely don't know

If I'm really in love

If there's nothing coming from you

Anymore

(There is nothing I can do.)

 

I hope that you still love me,

I hope that I'm only blind

But I know that I will give up

If that train don't stop here at nine.

 

If that train don't stop at nine

Then I know there's just no way

You're coming back again

(You know that I can't beg)

So if that train don't stop at nine

(it always stops on time)

If that train don't stop at nine

You left me behind.

 

Circumstances? Maybe so.

ďJust an ordinary manĒ

You say you'reĒ nothing specialĒ

But you wouldn't understand

What powers you held over me

Like lightning shocking a stormy sea

You were storming over me.

 

You took my heart away

Just as easily as you left with it

And if you're coming back again,

I wish you'd bring it with you

Like a locket on your chain.

 

Feel like there's no justice in the world

When I wake up in the morning

My eyes see the world only halfway (and feel the silence)

But I know that I'm not crying

Just mourning for another day.

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

I'm not sure about this one.
  I think it's a drawing done on spec by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

From your Mountain

(unfinishedÖ)

 

Surely I don't have to tell you

That I love you

And the ways I have left to tell you

Are not mine

For I've been to all of my greatest reaches

Within my power

And I'm running out of time.

 

There is no more reason for you to speak to me

From your mountain-side

I've put you on the highest ďpedestalĒ

That is, closest to my heart,

But I can't do this anymore.

Cause I'm dying inside

And all I ever did was love you.

 

111900601p

© 2000 by Toni Donelow Stewart, All rights reserved.

 

 Wishing 1987 in Pencil by Toni Donelow Stewart
 "Wishing" done in pencil 1987 by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

Pieces of the Flame

These chains that tie me down,

Tie me down to the groundÖ

And on this you know you can relyÖ

That as long as you're gone,

My life will feel wrong,

And I'll spend it all falling from the sky.

 

It's a painful earth I'm walking over,

My feet dragging crossed the ground

And I wake up to what is now over,

Always feeling that the Sun is going down.

 

No matter how hard I cry, I'd never wish to die,

But am always falling from the sky,

I should try, but I'm always feeling the sameÖ.

Broken pieces of, broken pieces of the flame.

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

 "Visit your zoo" spec (?) by Toni Donelow Stewart

"Visit your zoo" spec (?) by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

The Light Upon My River

 

You are the light upon my river

You're the soul that makes me shiver

And I find myself drained of all the tears

You are the one who's always with me,

Don't you know I feel you're in me,

You're the light upon my river of fearÖ

 

Seems I was looking all over and through the thunder

For someone who mystifies me the way you do

I was going to look forever,

And it's no wonder

Because I knew somewhere out there was you.

 

You are the light upon my river

You're the soul that makes me shiver

And I find myself drained of all the tears

You are the one who's always with me

Don't ya know, I feel you're in me

You're the light upon my river of fear . . .

 

At a moment's notice you were at my window

And knocking down my doors

You were the one who was always kind and loving

Throughout all the madness

And someone I'd never known before -

And while my heart is tearing through me,

I want you to know it

I will love you forevermore.

 

You are the light upon my river,

You're the soul that makes me shiver

And I find myself drained of all the tears

You are the one who's always with me,

Don't you know, I feel you're in me

You're the light upon my river of fear . . .

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart,

0222A112900 updated

 

The above delightfully disrespectful and maybe a bit shocking cartoon was obviously dedicated to a "user" named Joseph.  He still deserves every bit of his shit-list status Toni anointed on him.   He never wrote anyone expressing his sorrow over Toni's death.   I wondered if he even knew she had passed over.  "Joseph's Place" Cartoon by Toni Donelow Stewart.

Here's a second cartoon done in the same tradition, LOL . . . Joseph's Cartoon2.  I put it on a separate page by itself because it was hard to read otherwise . . . you don't want to miss anything on this on.   The "John" referred to in this second one is MY soul-twin.   (CARTOON2 LINK IS DOWN)

 

First of July  

 

You . . . will live forever in my soul

Like silent rides beneath

a sky lit by cool moonlight

In places--I no longer go

 

You will live forever in my feelings

 

Like a castle at the end of a long escapists road,

I stand here like a drifter now

Drifting through the dreams

circling forever in my soul,

 

With beating hearts and sweet  faint whispers

Fine words, now only faint echoes

You stole my heart away from me--

 

Your love came through despite the distance

Though I guess it's you who will never see?

 

The First of July . . .

I found you like a sweet surprise

Though I'd known you for awhile,

And now ďjust livingĒ in the lonely days you left for me

When you left me behind . . .

 

I can't go on ďwaitingĒ here

Like a scarecrow

Solo between empty rows

In some far-off field you'll never visit

With a warmth

You will never know,

 

Still, I'll park my dreams there . . .

And I will mail you the key

Though I know in my heart,

that I'm not in your soul, forever

The way you'll live on inside of me. . .

 

By Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

 

 Fun relaxing by Toni Donelow Stewart

Fun Relaxing by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

Now I'm Going On Again

 

I've seen love, and I've seen love

And I've seen fire

I've seen the locks on the chains to earthly heaven

I've seen your face

I've seen you wild

I've seen you drained

I've mothered your inner-child

I've seen the life

I've seen the pain

And now I'm going on again

 

I've seen nothing that you ain't seen before

Just kept looking and  never shut the door

Never closed my eyes

I just dreamed of another time

When fantasy could come calling

Out from the deep winter's night

What is forever for?

 

I've seen love and I've seen love

And I've seen fire

I've seen the locks on the chains

To earthly heaven--

I've seen your face

I've seen you wild

I've seen you drained

I've seen looking so inspired

And I've seen enough

I've seen enough

And now I'm going on again.

 

I knocked on your door a little too long

And you know, I'm finally gone

Will you ever look back at me?

I've knocked on your heart, and you shut me out

And now I'm done,

Now I think I'm coming down.

 

© Copyright 2000 by Toni Donelow Stewart, all rights reserved.

 

1129000159A

 

 Mysterious Lady by Toni Donelow Stewart

Mysterious Lady by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

 

While You Believed in Nothing

 

Wishes were made for wishing

And I've just seen the lies I've been shattered with

Cause you were a big time liar

All the while a so-called friend

But I never wasted away, I never wasted a tear

Because I'm real

And you know I've got no fears

I'm not wrong for believing you!

 

How could I know, when my instincts tell me something's good

And you bring it all down so heavily-suddenly

Like a raging storm brought overhead

I guess I should've known the rest

But I believed in you, like I always do

I believed in you,

While you believed in nothing . . .

 

0212A112900

© copyright 2000 by Toni Donelow Stewart, all rights reserved.

 Captives of the sea by Toni Donelow Stewart

Captives of the sea by Toni Donelow Stewart

 

Couldn't See It

 

Seems we laughed and then we'd cry

And sing in peace and loving spirits

And then we drowned and didn't know how to take it,

Like fools we just faked it,

And found ourselves on separate paths . . .

But now I know we should've listened

To the ones who really knew better

And found ourselves going down the right road you knowÖ

 

For now , I'm crying for the peace we left behind

When we were summer lovers

And felt peace of mind

Even when it rained, and lacked the sun

We could find a world of things to dream of

 

It's over now, and I'm going slow

But I'm full of fears you know I never felt before

Like a season of only storms,

I'm passing through,

And finding myself looking for you---

Looking only, for you---

 

For years it seems I've been holding back

Not knowing the way

Though it's been only months

I find myself ashamed

That I couldn't see at the time,

I couldn't see-it

 

 

by Toni Donelow Stewart,

© Copyright 2000, all rights reserved.

 0234A112900 

 

 

 

 

Note that the address in above banner is no longer valid. 
It is here as part of my memorial to my dearest friend Toni.

  

IN MEMORIAL . . .

TONI DONELOW STEWART (1961-2004)

 

I believe that this page has most of Toni's attempts at poetry or song lyrics.   It includes a poem which she never added to her online collection.  I have added some of her illustrations.  They were never meant to go with any of these works but since her spirit is in both her art and her words, it takes both to help understand who she really was.  She was a wonderful mother, writer and artist. . . a person who will be forever missed by this heart.  

 

Toni died November 9, 2004

 ~ Shirl A. Steward

 

Together on the beach by Toni Donelow Stewart

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